 Seven whole years. It's been 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, SEVEN years since I moved to Los Angeles this week. It's difficult to quantify that much time having already passed... partly because time feels more like a construct in a climate like this one--it goes from a dry summer to a brisk fall. No winter. No rainy season. But also because, like this year, time flies by so quickly. Were we not just in March? My head is spinning thinking about it. And when you have back-to-back years like 2018 it just... goes.
So, I forced myself to examine each year that I've been in LaLaLand and QUALIFY each with a Big Win and a Big Lesson. So here goes: Year 1 (Fall 2011 to Fall 2012) Big Win: Booking Halo 4: Forward Unto Dawn This would come about 6 months after I arrived. It was my first leading role in what would be shot like a film. I learned a ton! Big Lesson: The Follow-up Opportunity Yeah. I hadn't yet found consistency in my work. So I was not able to capitalize on the momentum of Halo or Footloose in the way I wanted to and missed some big follow-up opportunities as a result. Year 2 (Fall 2012 to Fall 2013) Big Win: Adding Humvee Driver to my Special Skills I booked a recurring role on the show Perception and was tasked with driving this military "armored" truck in a desert scene. Cast and camera crew in tow. Loved it! Big Lesson: The Consequences of the Wrong Crowd Mmmhmm. I had to relearn this elementary school lesson. I was freshly out of what would be the last booking in a few years. It was the consequence of being highly distracted. My focus was completely off of my career and being drained in a toxic relationship. Year 3 (Fall 2013 to Fall 2014) Big Win: New Acting Technique I discovered a technique that would gift me with the consistency that I had been so sorely missing. It also gave me something productive and career-driven to focus on. Acting class was my saving grace! Big Lesson: No One is Coming to Save You I learned that there are people who will laugh at your pain and watch you sink. True friends are rare. But ultimately, you are responsible for you. Year 4 (Fall 2014 to Fall 2015) Big Win: Learned the art of the Win I had to defend myself in a small legal injustice with a landlord who unfairly refused to reimburse my rental deposit. After several attempts to solve the issue myself, I decided to take him to court. I won. At a time when I felt attacked by so many forces, I determined to fight and win. Big Lesson: The Power of "No" It was after that win that I reintroduced the word "no" and the phrase 'not good enough" into my life. It didn't feel good in the moments, but in the depths of my being I understood it to be right. Year 5 (Fall 2015 to Fall 2016) Big Win: LOVE I met my husband-to-be! And despite a few battle scars and a few thick layers of protection, I was able to open and let love flow. Big Lesson: Seize the Yes! Career wise, I learned to be unafraid to cut my losses with dead-end relationships and seize new opportunities when they presented themselves. Year 6 (Fall 2016 to Fall 2017) Big Win: New Community, who dis? I landed a spot in the ABC Discovers Showcase and found a new tribe of talented, silly, actors and a relationship with a studio. I also dove into a fresh spiritual practice that also came with a community of positive, uplifting people. Big Lesson: New Levels Bring New Obstacles I worked harder in this one year than any other year in Los Angeles. I was constantly faced with my own self-fulfilling limitations and was forced to move through them. Year 7 (Fall 2017 to PRESENT) Big Win: Purpose This last year has allowed me to envision and outline a path to my purpose. My goals are clearer, bigger, and feel attainable. This year I have experienced genuine happiness far more than in years past. Big Lesson: It All Counts All the skills, lessons, and obstacles make sense now. I learned that everything I have ever succeeded or failed at are part of the story. Nothing is for nothing. It all counts. •They say we are completely different people every seven years. I'd say that's true.•
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Starting from the present...
He Said: "If you only ever aim for what you CAN do, you'll never reach the next level." She Said: Let's build a life together. He Said: "You might just have to love me, even if I don't love you back." She Said: Hahaha! Don't EVER contact me again. He Said: "I told you I didn't want to be in a relationship." She Said: Cool. Make sure you leave the key on your way out. He said: "We don't need labels to define us. She Said: That works for me... for now. He said: "There are parts of me you will never know." She Said: Who cares, let's see what happens. Sometimes there are red flags, other times flags aren't needed, it's just said directly. Sometimes you have to guess and other times the truth is spelled out. I learned a lot about myself based on the relationships I was choosing. It told me where I was in my maturity, how I was teaching people to love me, what I was accepting, and what I was rejecting. And eventually I understood some of the best advice that I wish I could properly credit: When someone shows you who they are, believe them. The above five quotes are real. They come from the 5 serious (or otherwise, pivotal) relationships of my life. I am marrying the first guy next year! |
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